Sunday, June 20, 2010

Dear Fathers,

(this is NOT a love letter~you have been warned)

Un padre es el hombre en tu vida a quien más quieres. El hombre que te ha enseñado lo diferente que es el amor con alguien del sexo opuesto

...or so I have been told by friends and television shows with fathers that don’t molest their daughters.

In reality I have no idea what a good father is. Too often I am confronted with men that think they can treat the women in their lives like garbage EXCEPT for their daughters and have their daughters not grow up emotionally handicapped because of it. I’ve had too many uncles blatantly disrespect, dishonor, and disregard their wives for their much younger mistress, then go on and advocate how important it is for a man to treat you right to their daughters.

And it’s not only the men in my family. I just found out two weeks ago my eighth grade science teacher was arrested for the rape of a thirteen year old girl. This is the same man who stayed to teach deserving kids with honors Greek and Latin at no cost with the hopes that they would have a better chance at scoring well on the SAT. The same man who taught me to question and research everything, and that my place on the socioeconomic ladder didn’t matter because this world was filled with possibilities. He made an impression. He inspired me like a father.

Yet his relationship with self was in shambles, and even back then there were rumors. He was living two lives unable to match who he really was to who he was being.

Why is there such a disconnect? How hard is it to see and understand that how do you one thing is how you do everything? How you love is how you love~ be it your daughter or your wife.
And what YOU do doesn’t affect just you~ it affects everything.
Translation~ How you are loving your wife you are loving your daughter, and eventually this is how she will look to be loved by her husband.
Think about that.

Is it possible that you are as devoted to loving and taking care of your daughter now as you once were with your wife?
What changed? What was it about the way you loved her that you couldn’t keep up? Was your love over-the-top and artificial~ trying to make up for parts of yourself you thought weren’t enough?
Are you now doing the same thing with your daughter?

Is it then easy to expect for your daughter to one day long for a man who loves the same over-the-top artificial way~ a man who will eventually grow tired of the act and stop loving and taking care of her?

If you really want to help love and protect your daughter~ start by looking at how you’re showing in the world~ not just as a father.

This entire universe is connected ~ but lets not go there tonight ~ on your day dads ~ lets just agree that it all starts with the relationship you are building and discovering with yourself. Love, Protect, and Liberate yourself~ and you will be doing all of that for her.

May connection and liberation accompany you on this beautiful Father’s Day~!

May you be blessed with the clarity to no longer run by unexamined perceptions ~

Love always,
Diosa Dominicana ~ K

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