Friday, June 17, 2011

brain chatter

Dear Negative Thought Patterns,
“I appreciate your ability to think thoughts and feel emotions, but I am really not interested in thinking these thoughts or feeling these emotions anymore. Please stop bringing this stuff up.” – Jill Bolte Taylor


almost done with jill bolte taylor's stroke of insight and just finished reading how it takes 90 seconds for your body to have a reaction to a specific situation. in 90 seconds one of our programs can be triggered, surge through our body, and then be completely flushed out of our bloodstream. . . wow @ 90 seconds. so any time we are still "angry" or really reacting after that is a choice we are making whether we realize it or not. after about two years or finding the positive in every situation i spent the last year focusing on the negative. i was hurt/betrayed/etc. i decided it was important to me to 'pay more attn' to how i could be hurt by a situation and how to be prepared and protected from the pain.
it has been exhausting. draining. a journey from, instead of TO mySelf. i read a book review yesterday in my oprah magazine (magazines and oprah both bring me great joy) on a story of a 39 yo woman that gets into an accident and has a bad case of amnesia. she begins living her life after the accident as a positive, pregnant, happily married woman. the truth is she was in the process of a divorce and devastated about being pregnant. . . i'm not sure how the story ends. i'll have to pick it up. at first i thought how horrific to no longer have the memories to remind you of the pain. our memories protect us, but now i may be changing my tune. if you are not living in the clouds and really paying attention to the current moment~ the beautiful now~ is it really that bad to let go of the past? ... is there a diff between letting go of the past and letting go of negative thought patterns? how are they alike? 4am brain chatter~ while i listen to the thunder outside~ still waiting for my baby to arrive~ moving july 1st~this is my life, now.

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