Saturday, January 1, 2011

Dear 2010,

Thank you.

I have been so ungrateful for the many lessons you’ve taught and, despite my resistance, continue to try and teach me.

In order to surrender to the gratitude my spirit feels for you I will need to divorce a state of mind~

Everything that has happened this year I’ve relinquished all responsibility for and sweetly slid into the victim role. Part of me asked “What is it all trying to teach me?” but a greater part of me cried and refused to learn from my mistakes.

How could I take credit for a sickness coming into my life? Clearly I must have had nothing to do with it, and yet everything I believe in about karma, law of attraction, and the power of my spirit makes this so.

Everything you have brought me, 2010, I created. Thank you.

Thank you for helping me better understand that I cannot expect chocolate cake, expect chocolate cake, but really hope I get vanilla. Then blame something outside myself for bringing me chocolate cake. It’s self-defeating to continue to remain ignorant, especially when I’m not so ignorant…

Thank you for teaching me how impermanent all of life is, and for reminding me the last couple of days I will have with you, that my purpose in this life is to learn, grow, and evolve. My purpose in this life is to change.

It is not to grow attached to relationships as I once saw and experienced them. I am not here to separate myself from others out of insecurity and spite. No. I am not here to hate, hold a grudge, and continue to vilify my boss, my fiancé, my parents, etc for imparting on me experiences and lessons increasing my level of consciousness.

In 2008 I found liberation.
In 2009 I found power.
In 2010 I found humility.

For the past 2 years I had been searching for love, looking for love, and being completely open too all things love related.
2010 did not teach me about love. It taught me about all the guards I put up against it.

Thank you.

In 2010…

Pude pasar mas tiempo con mi familia.

Mi grande, complicada, maravillosa familia.

I found, lost, found, and then “lost” myself a million times, and a million ways.

I disconnected when my ego wasn’t ready to surrender and I connected when my spirit was dying of thirst.

I devoted mySelf physically, emotionally, and spiritually to my fiancé in ways I never thought possible.
I was humbled by my commitment, and at times resentful of it.

I did exactly what I was supposed to do.

I acted up to my level of consciousness and I kept going. Even when I knew I wasn’t going in the right direction, I kept going. I trusted in life, love, and the universe enough to know if I just kept going I would eventually start going towards the right path.

I did not give up on anything or anyone this year. That is what I am most proud of in 2010. I did not give up on anything or anyone this year.

The only thing I almost gave up was 2010’s meaning and worth.
I’m lucky. I have a really amazing soulmate who calls me out way too often and reminds me of who and what I really am by just existing . . . His words help, and his love is one of the greatest gifts I’ve received in this life, but ultimately just him existing reminds me of who and what I really am….
Wow… I guess when I put it like that every other ex who’s proposed and wanted to start a life with me really had no chance when there is a man out there who can do so much by having just been born.

Our minds wander, our path purpose and message become unclear, and all of life seems to be in complete chaos and without any order~

And yet everything is perfect and always working itself out for the better, if you just wait long enough.

Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here- Yyanla Vanzant


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Heh. I rock.

You rock too.. :)