Tuesday, August 17, 2010

There is nothing wrong.


I’m not really stressing anything.

This is a hectic time. A lot is happening and changing. I wish I had it more under control but all things considered I’m pretty proud of myself this year. I will do better next year.

I was crying and whining this morning when I woke up. “We don’t have a place to live. I didn’t talk to Kenneth before he went to bed. I just spent $100 on a car battery/oil/etc that I didn’t want to spend. I miss shoes lol. Work hasn’t slowed down at all and I’m physically and mentally exhausted. Life is so hard blah blah blah.”

I could also hear my soul reply with “But remember to be grateful. At least you have the deposit money and the battery money and the money for the things you need most. Work is hard but at least you’re working. Relationships are hard but at least you’re with the one person you’ll always want to be with. Stop worrying about what it looks like. Everything is ok.”

But it was no use. My ego wanted to continue to cry.

Then I went to the bathroom to take a shower and head to work, saying to myself, "I probably won't even have time to shower. Life is so hard lately." When I noticed my dad had gone to the bathroom on himself, the living room, the kitchen and bathroom floor… There were no tears or stress. Life happens. People shit on themselves sometimes. You just clean it up and keep it moving. There is nothing wrong.

My ego has shut up since then. If you're whining and crying nothing is probably really wrong. When real tragedies occur there is silence, a stillness, and you just do what needs to get done to clean it up. The conversation in our heads (egos) isn't necessary.

I definitely chose this life.


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